Q&A: Bao’an blues

It’s Q&A time again. This question, from Roger in Shanghai, calls for a stiff drink with a splash of melodrama:

Let’s say, theoretically, that I had RMB 117 and your average convenience stores nearby (Lawsons, Kedi, Family Mart, etc.). Let’s say, theoretically, that I was just informed by my (ex) girlfriend that she had been seeing our weekend bao’an [security guard] for the last 9 months. I want to buy a bottle of baijiu and get blasted with the weekday bao’an (who is a stand up guy – not one to cuckold). I know next to nothing about baijiu, and am ready to splurge on something more than a RMB 6 bottle of erguotou. Theoretically.

What would you suggest for someone trying to celebrate heartbreak in such a manner?

Theoretically, let’s say that such a situation requires a strong-aroma baijiu to get that taste of hard-luck woman out of your mouth. I’d recommend a Luzhou Laojiao Tequ (special qu) 泸州老窖特曲 or, if you want to spend a little more, some Bainian Luzhou Laojiao (30 year) 百年泸州老窖.

And you’re going to need a guitar, a shoe with a solid sole for tapping and maybe a harmonica.

Whatever baijiu you choose, make sure the alcohol content by volume is in the 50+ percent range, because you’re going to need to use whatever you don’t finish as an accelerant to burn all of the belongings that she left in your apartment. Theoretically.

Got a question about baijiu? Send it to derek (at) sandha.us.